The rich ain't like you and me...

Nope, they have a lot more gall, and are much better liars.

I'll be the first to admit, I wasn't a fan of Mitch Albom before I moved to Detroit. Had I read Tuesdays with Morrie (goodie-goodie pap, and not even that interesting of a pap) when I was a young man, I would have tackled writing with much greater fervor--if that shit can get published, I would have thought, anything can get published. His appearances on ESPN's The Sports Reporters always struck me as a little too black and white, a little too self-righteous. Since I moved here, I like him even less so. He isn't particularly thoughtful (like, say, Leonard Pitts, with whom I do not always agree, but respect his honesty and ability to look beneath the surface), his rants on the way parents raise their children ring very hollow (Albom has no children of his own), and his pastoral pieces on the good old days are tripe (they weren't so good--for the most part because we were stupider, and stupid is always bad). It really wasn't the final straw, but his false account of two basketball players meeting up at the NCAA tournament in 2005 finished any chance I might change my opinion of him (and cost the Free Press a great deal of my respect--like Jayson Blair and Janet Cooke, he should have been fired. No journalist is above reproach, regardless of their celebrity).

I wouldn't have thought my respect for him could sink any lower...but his "column" this past Sunday on the estate tax proved me wrong. For starters, the sheer egotism of someone as wealthy as Albom making a case for why the estate tax should be abolished is a bit...well, it's a whole lot self-serving. Please understand, I do not begrudge Albom his wealth--I don't care for the work of Stephen King or Dan Brown either, but like Albom, they found their niche and cashed in. Good for them. And while I've spent the vast majority of my life living paycheck to paycheck (never found that niche, I guess), and it's certainly had its ups and downs, when I die (which I hope is many, many years from now) I will certainly feel as if I have led a wonderful life. It just bothers the living shit out of me that people like Albom seem to think that their wealth was created by themselves and themselves only. Where do you suppose Albom would be without the people whose skills ran the machines that printed his books, without editors (I know of zero writers who don't value a great editor, and let's face it, Albom is hardly John Updike with the English language), without the people who wake at all hours of the morning to deliver the newspapers he's worked for--you get my drift. It's like, hey the little people should be happy with the scraps I've given them, they don't need any more. In a word: No.

Even worse, though, is the utter dishonesty of the column. Albom states the tax is going from zero to 55% overnight--but if you look at this chart on Wikipedia, you can see that 2010 is the only year since the temporary repeal where the tax is zero. The best it has previously been since 2001 is 45%. Albomn cites Sweden, a heavily taxed nation, as one that has done away with the estate tax. Great--give us a tax rate like Sweden's and all the benefits it provides its citizens and I'll gladly give up the estate tax. My guess, though, is that there's a better chance of Albom growing a normal set of ears than his agreeing to that one. Albom claims several times that the money will go to Congress or politicians. No, it won't--it will go to the U.S. Treasury, and from there a portion will go to very worthy things like the NIH, the food stamp program, the Transportation Department for upkeep of our roads, and some will get wasted. Albom also states that the repeal was "...hailed by everyone except tax lovers and charities." However, in the same edition of the Free Press, a business page piece states the estate tax "...has drawn much scrutiny among the moneyed, but little on Main Street." Now there's a ringing endorsement, if ever I heard one: they don't care--they must think it's great!

Nowhere does Albom mention that nearly all family farms and small businesses are exempt. Nowhere does Albom mention that if the money is left to a spouse (and you have a tax attorney who knows anything at all about estate tax law) the estate is exempt. Nowhere does he mention that those noted tax lovers Bill Gates and Warren Buffett support it (all three, see Wikipedia entry above).

As for his claim that it's blatantly unfair: bullshit. The inheritance is received because a loved one died--no death, no inheritance. Just a hunch, but I'm reasonably certain that one day Paris Hilton will be a very rich woman for having done nothing. Nothing. And I'm supposed to pity her because she's only going to get (as an example) $450 million of the billion she inherits? Why--because she can only afford to get her poodle the pink, million dollar diamond studded collar instead of the blue one, too?

But the absolute most galling aspect of the column is Albom constantly making reference to his readers as sharing his plight: "Wouldn't you rather your children have that?" "Aren't your loved ones more entitled to your life's savings than Congress?" You know what? They will get all of my estate! Since there's an exemption (scheduled to drop to $1 million in 2011, but most likely will be raised by Congress in the budget to $5 million--again, see Wikipedia referenced above) that my estate will not even come close to reaching, my family will (see kids, being poor doesn't completely suck!) get all of my estate. And so will 95% of his readers. So what Albom is actually saying is "Don't you think all of my [Albom's] estate should go to my loved ones?" You know what, Mitch? I don't give a fuck. My guess is they're going to do just fine.

And at least be honest in your columns. Just say it: "I'm a greedy, egotistical mother fucker and I don't care about other people. Fuck that pap I got from Morrie--it's all about the Benjamins and I want all of mine."

And when you're done, don't ask me to be like you. Because I don't want--nor do I want any of my loved ones--to be anything like you.

Peace,
emaycee